Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
