Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
