So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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