We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
