I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
