We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
