called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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