yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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