That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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