hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
