Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This house was built for laser tag.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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