haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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