New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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