He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
