I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
