whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
