I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
