who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
