yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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