Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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