shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
