If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
