I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
