Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have post one night stand depression
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