Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
