tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
