I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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