We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
