I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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