I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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