Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
