TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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