This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
