I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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