he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
