Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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