did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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