"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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