He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
