Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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