I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
