walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
