Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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