I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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