you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
