She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
