I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
