Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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