I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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