is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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