at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
