You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
