i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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