im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
