I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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