I CAN MOONWALK!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
God I need to hump something, right now.
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