I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
