The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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