Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
