Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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