I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
