dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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