JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
