You made me cry and you don't even care
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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