i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
