PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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