My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
