My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
