last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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