If that was your dad, he is hot
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
