Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
