Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
