I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
3 2 1 whiskey
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
