a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You may now shotgun with the bride
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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